2021 Manifesto

Reject Humanity, Return to Monkey.

Demolition of the Cumbernauld Shopping Centre.

Sell Edinburgh to Elon Musk.

Find the whereabouts of “No-Show” Jo Swinson.

Gucci nappies in every baby box.

If I was Prime Minister for a day, I’d have tougher enforcement on Douglas Ross.

The revival of ‘Dick and Dom in the Bungalow’ to CBBC.

Free bottle of Buckfast for everyone who doesn’t catch COVID.

A nightly curfew for every single person between 18:00 and 18:01.

Teach Fornite players to hack into the Pentagon.

Turn the Falkirk Wheel into a Square.

Stand with Hong Kong.

Support the production of leather drinking straws.

Make Lord Buckethead a Patron Saint.

Referendum to decide if we should have another Brexit Referendum.

Abolish the ‘Abolish Holyrood’ party.

Thanos did nothing wrong.

National bake sale to fund the NHS. 

Captain Sayed Sheasha signed as the goalie for the Scottish football team.

 Award each member of the Clydebank Young Team with a medal in Civil Wideness.